‘Read a thousand books but you’ve never tried to read your own self,
You rush into your temples/mosques but have never entered your own heart,
Futile are your battles with the devil for you have never fought your own self desires’ Baba Bulleh Shah
Fighting your own self desires. Possibly the greatest battle of all.
Today I focused on sitting in silence. I don’t do it often. I’m always at some point in the company of another person. I come from a big family so I got used to noise. Its always been a source of comfort.
Silence is something I avoided. I rushed to fill it. Its awkward. Too quiet. My brain goes into overdrive.
I often use my phone to avoid the silence. To stop myself getting bored I skim through social media. I rarely sit by myself with no distractions.
So I tried it today. And it was difficult. I itched to do something, write, draw, doodle. Anything.
But then I let the silence overwhelm me. It was emancipating.
The past week has been traumatic for us all. Reading and watching the horrific news from Manchester, then the stabbings in Portland yesterday. The bloodshed never seems to stop. It can bring with it a sense of despair and helplessness. Two feelings that are disempowering and dehabilitating.
So I thought about what I had seen over the past week..the horror and then the unbelieveable moments of humanity and unity. I thought about my 7 yr old daughter coming home & talking about how she and her friends had discussed the youngest victim of the bombings being only 1 year older then them.
I never thought I would have to discuss terror, death and evil to my daughter at such a young age.
We have to talk to them. To encourage them to own their identities. To promote self discovery and development so they are confident.
We have to teach them the importance and value of humanity. The heart is a vital organ. It nurtures love and empathy. It is this that will unite people.
We have to help them fight their own demons by fighting our own first. Whether it is fear or anxiety, pride or jealousy.
We have to hold on to hope. We have to be empowered by it. We cannot wallow in despair or self pity.
As I looked at the clock, the ten minutes had felt like an hour.
The silence was broken but so was my unease
The greatest battle is the one within yourself.